Left In Lowell

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February 2, 2006

How to raise the $600,000!

by at 3:21 pm.

I have been thinking of ways of raising the $600,000 needed to keep the Lockmonsters in Lowell. I am not a hockey fan but I am a big fan of the City of Lowell.

I do believe it is in the best interest of the City’s economic, cultural and social life to have that team stay here. So here are some ways that we can raise the $600,000; we will call this Keep the Lockmonsters in Lowell Fund.

1) Everyone that buys one of the thousands of new condos being built in Lowell has to pay a fee towards this fun

2) Those who buy a condo in the Burbeck complex, pay double

3) Put tolls at both end of all the bridges for non-Lowell residents; those with New Hampshire license plates, pay double

4) For every word in an editorial or opinion piece written in the Sun in favor of the Lockmonster staying here, the paper pays $10 towards this fund

5) The former mayor needs to make a major donation in the current mayor’s name to show his appreciation that this did not come up a month before

6) The neighborhood that raises the largest amount of funds, gets their streets paved first

7) The City Manager must pay $50/day towards this fund until he learns how to use e-mail

8) Every time the WCAP morning show host says “loony lefties,” he pays $25.00 to this fund

9) Cancel this year’s Winter Fest and give all the sponsors’ money to this fund

10) Put up express lanes during rush hours on Bridge, Gorham, Chelmsford and Rogers Street and charge a premium to use those lanes

I think we got our $600,000 but I welcome other suggestions.

11 Responses to “How to raise the $600,000!”

  1. Lynne Says:

    Hilarious, Mimi! I got a great laugh. We don’t have enough humor on this blog!

  2. Paul@01852 Says:

    Ditto what Lynne said!

  3. K-R-S Says:

    Mimi, That was great!!

  4. Mariposa Says:

    Nice Job, Mimi. Very funny, and I don’t even get all the local references. :-)

    Seriously though, my guys would be seriously disappointed if the Lock Monsters left Lowell. I hope someone can work a deal out.

  5. Richard Douglas Says:

    Hah, that reminds me, I should challenge local building inspectors in a Jenga tournament as part of a fundraiser.

  6. Tim Little Says:

    Mimi: Good stuff!
    Richard: I’d pay to see that!

  7. Mike Says:

    What are other peoples thoughts on the LockMonsters? Indifference?

    Would you support the city backing up the season ticket drive with city funds if they don’t make it?

    Kendall Wallace is really attacking the Mayor for not showing leadership.

  8. waittilnextyr Says:

    Thoughts on LockMonsters - a bit of indifference, although I think we would regret them leaving.

    Mimi made some tongue-in-cheek suggestions, but the converse of one of them makes sense to me. Instead of the condo buyers putting up some season ticket money, the condo developers should, and with each sale of a condo comes a pair of season tickets for three years. After all, they are the ones making the money out of the Lowell rebirth. Let’s hear from them.

    As for the city council’s action last week, it means very little. It is even worse than doing nothing, if they believe they have accomplished something with their resolution, for it means they will make no further effort.

  9. Lynne Says:

    waittilnextyear: How’s that different from any other “action” by the city council?

  10. No one you know Says:

    A couple of thoughts on the Lock Monsters. First I’m suprised they have survived in the city
    this long. That said, If the city council is considering coming up with $600K to
    guarentee season ticket sales I would suggest that for a $600K investment the city should have
    a piece of ownership in the team. Could the city successfully operate an AHL team? Probably not
    but I can’t image the team is going to be sold for much more than that price.

    The second thought is more of a rant. It always gets under my skin when someone in a position to
    act decides to lecture instead. In this case I would challenge Kendal Wallace to put his paper’s
    money where his keyboard is. The Sun, which is leaving the city by leaps and bounds, should
    either become a minority owner in the Lock Monsters or guarentee the 1500 season ticket sales
    itself instead of Wallace sitting back it citicizing city officials for being reluctant to
    spend the money.

    Just my $.02

  11. waittilnextyr Says:

    A list of actions for the city council, some of which are from their literature in last election:

    1. Control Property Taxes
    2. Expand Commercial Tax Base
    3. Put 180 Units of Affordable Housing on-line at Julian Steele
    4. Close an Acceptable Deal for Hamilton Canal Properties
    5. Put 900-car Parking Garage on-line on Middlesex St.
    6. Initiate Private Development in accordance with the JAM plan
    7. Initiate Private Development at the Hamilton Canal Properties
    8. Close Loopholes in Zoning Code to Avoid Neighborhood Exploitation
    9. Eliminate “Appearance” of Conflict of Interest on Local Boards
    10. Facilitate the Private Development of Next Phase of Mass Mills
    11. Create Significant Development Opportunity on Post Office Site
    12. Get Courthouse project underway, without taking liability for another parking garage (consider JAM area instead of E. Merrimack St.)
    13. Maintain Full Funding for School System
    14. Establish Enforceable Contracts for New School Construction Projects
    15. Create Plan for Mixed Rate Affordable Housing
    16. Support UTECs efforts to Find New Home
    17. Improve Traffic Flow and Eliminate Bottlenecks and Safety Hazards Citywide
    18. Bring jobs to the city
    19. Make connection between educational institutions and new jobs
    20. Provide more opportunities for the city’s youth
    21. Reduce crime, particularly gang activity

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