Left In Lowell

Via DailyKos, comes this story of women in college leaving their male counterparts far, far behind.

There’s still a glass ceiling for women in this country, and the count of women in management and science jobs is still too low. However, the transformation of women in society into powerful consumers is thrusting the bigotry of low expectations onto our boys, who are growing up to become men who can’t or won’t acheive their potential.

And how have we come to this? Well, watch commercials and you’ll see.

Years ago, my husband began complaining about the “stupid male” stereotype becoming prevalent in advertisements and even in a lot of sitcoms and shows. He pointed it out to me so many times, I also became wary of it. It has, I think, overcome instances of the “female housewife” stereotype. Watch an hour of TV with a notepad on your lap. Mark the notepad every time you see a commercial or a show where some guy is doing or saying something really stupid, often with a weary-looking wife or other female rolling her eyes.

I think this mode of advertising has to do with Madison Avenue figuring out how to sell to women, who more and more have the buying power companies are looking for. Women have become involved, sometimes even key, in most decisions about big family purchases like cars and houses, too. This of course can be a good thing! But the selling to women has not been.

Make fun of the husband/boyfriend/man, like a little in-joke between female friends (a common enough topic of conversation between women is the annoying habits of the husband, I’ve noticed), and you’ll amuse the woman and sell her your product. However, in the rush to court women, these advertisements and Hollywood shows are ruining the self-esteem of men, from the time they are very young. The bigotry of low expectations.

If you think this is too simplistic of an answer for why our boys are falling behind, go on, do the notepad thing. Trust me, you’ll be astounded. Also, while marking up the pad, try and picture a what-if: imagine they had placed a woman to do the same acting role of “stupid man.” If your gut reaction is “that was totally anti-woman, to portray her that way!” then you know it doesn’t pass the shoe-on-the-other-foot test. It’s not all right for women to be made total fools, but fine to trash the man?

Contrary to right-wing thinking, though, the troubles in our society are not really the fault of the feminists. It’s not about some phantom demasculization by the “nanny politics” of the left, either. We can have equity in pay and rights for our boys and girls. However, it is definitely the case our girls are in a better position to fight gender inequity then our boys. We have had decades of women’s rights groups and awareness campaigns to help us change our country for the better for our women. Of course, we’ve had much farther to travel, and it’s only natural that because of this, girls and women have a better network to deal with those injustices.

In the end, why is this so terrible a problem? For a long time, my gut told me, well, women have had the shaft long enough, this should even us out eventually.

Well, for one thing, no one wants to see their son not live up to their potential, any more than you want to see your daughter fail. Our children should all have an equal chance. I am a true feminist, in that I do not see the superiority of either men or women, but want true equality for all. As much as the world is not fair for our girls, I don’t want to make it unfair for those who have a Y chromosome.

And it doesn’t help us women, either, to shoulder the burden of men who are not reaching their capacity - a failure to launch, some have called it. While these “failure to launch” situations can also be a result of a tougher world where it is harder to make a living, never mind a career, it is also the case that the recent to-do over the epidemic of unnambitious men who live with their parents well into their 30’s also is because the men have given up on their own promise. They have had a lifetime of low expectations, trained not to expect much of themselves, and they live up to the potential society puts on them. And it will be women - mothers, wives, daughters - who will be stuck with the bill of a generation of men who do not believe in their potential. It will be a tragedy for everyone.